I'd love to tell you it gets better. As life goes on people become nicer and seem to be more pleasant in general. I wish there was nothing for you to worry about, nothing for you to lose sleep over, and nothing for you to wish you could change. But I can't. I just can't. You will cry yourself to sleep sometimes.
I can promise one thing though. You'll have little flashes of hope. They don't last long, but these are moments when everything seems to work. Everything seems perfectly placed and runs in the exact manner that it should.
It's usually a quiet moment, and it can go unnoticed. You're amazingly talented, so much potential artistically, theatrically, and just as a human soul. I know you have it in your spiritual capacity to steady your mind and spirit enough to find yourself enveloped in these moments.
These moments, take special notice of them. The more you notice them and acknowledge them, the more they will happen. Follow them, they will lead you. They are moments of clarity. These are God moments, where you are wrapped in the mantle of Love. To notice these takes a spiritual muscle. Notice, acknowledge and you will grow it. You will be led and the word Savior will take on a whole knew connotation to you.
And should you ever write a letter that starts "dear mom and dad, I swear to God I tried" and seal it, you will have
this Moment and realize that all around is Love. It always has been and always will be. You won't ever get the chance to slip the envelope under the door.
It won't be a flash of light as I described so much as magnificent sunrise. I'm asking you to stare at it and feel it's warmth. Beside you will be a hand. Look over. Accept it. Hold it. Hands were meant for holding, not clenching fists. Hands receive and never take. Hands give and never pass off. The same hands that push away are the hands that can pull all the is Good within you.
See the Good within your reach. It's there. It's in your Mom and Dad. It's in your sister. Reach out, so will they, and suddenly what was two became one. If Christ said He came so that all may be as one, then any experience of duality's dissipation can be only of the Divine.You will see so much Good everywhere. It is then you are Blest. Friend, Child of Divinity, Angel of Peace, Bearer of Truth...you are blest. When you know this, it's then I can promise it gets better. I promise.
Always yours and with Love,
*note - some metaphors borrowed
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