It does get better...

Hi Friend, 

I'd love to tell you it gets better. As life goes on people become nicer and seem to be more pleasant in general. I wish there was nothing for you to worry about, nothing for you to lose sleep over, and nothing for you to wish you could change. But I can't. I just can't. You will cry yourself to sleep sometimes. 

I can promise one thing though. You'll have little flashes of hope. They don't last long, but these are moments when everything seems to work. Everything seems perfectly placed and runs in the exact manner that it should.

It's usually a quiet moment, and it can go unnoticed. You're amazingly talented, so much potential artistically, theatrically, and just as a human soul. I know you have it in your spiritual capacity to steady your mind and spirit enough to find yourself enveloped in these moments. 

These moments, take special notice of them. The more you notice them and acknowledge them, the more they will happen. Follow them, they will lead you. They are moments of clarity. These are God moments, where you are wrapped in the mantle of Love. To notice these takes a spiritual muscle. Notice, acknowledge and you will grow it. You will be led and the word Savior will take on a whole knew connotation to you. 

And should you ever write a letter that starts "dear mom and dad, I swear to God I tried" and seal it, you will have

this Moment and realize that all around is Love. It always has been and always will be.  You won't ever get the chance to slip the envelope under the door. 

It won't be a flash of light as I described so much as magnificent sunrise. I'm asking you to stare at it and feel it's warmth. Beside you will be a hand. Look over. Accept it. Hold it. Hands were meant for holding, not clenching fists. Hands receive and never take. Hands give and never pass off. The same hands that push away are the hands that can pull all the is Good within you.  

See the Good within your reach. It's there. It's in your Mom and Dad. It's in your sister.  Reach out, so will they, and suddenly what was two became one. If Christ said He came so that all may be as one, then any experience of duality's dissipation can be only of the Divine.You will see so much Good everywhere. It is then you are Blest. Friend, Child of Divinity, Angel of Peace, Bearer of Truth...you are blest. When you know this, it's then I can promise it gets better. I promise. 

Always yours and with Love, 

*note - some metaphors borrowed

Things I would say if you were here...

Love,
Did I ever tell you why I enjoyed writing haikus and sending them to you every morning?

A spiritual teacher of mine had me write them every morning before journaling as a way to codify my thoughts into a particular pattern. 5-7-5, as you know. What it became was a meditation. Sitting with

my feelings for that amount of time allowed for me to get in touch with them and to know them deeper. As I counted on my hand the syllables, trying to find the right words, the perfect words...the way they could fit into the mold, I was forced to continuously be with this feeling.

I was forced to continue feeling until a perfect, succinct, seventeen syllable pattern emerged to give verbal representation to something so interiorly real. By then a few things happened: I knew how I was feeling. I could look at from an objective standpoint what my feeling looked like, and finally, I felt I had come face to face with me and could meet myself where I was at, and from that point, go about my day.

Sending you haikus was like that. During a shower or a 30 minute drive, my distance from you enabled be to think about you and capture what I was feeling in the same way. Maybe it contained an

element of the previous evening's conversation. It could have represented a fleeting daydream of a time yet to come. Perhaps it was just seventeen syllables that boiled down to an I love you. Either way, despite the distance, I felt it brought us closer. I couldn't wait each morning to send you one, because I felt I was sending you Truth. Yes, Truth with a capital T.

I still write them. Just let me know when you'd like to receive them again?